Why I do not forgive

I am often described as being harsh and unforgiving.  I have reasons.

The foundations of justice is that a criminal should give compensation equal to the harm done to the victim.  If the victim loses the ability to work for themselves, then the criminal should provide for that person — here we find the origin of the scales of justice.  For those well versed in the lore of Iceland, you may also recall that a persistent criminal who holds no respect for the laws of the community may be deemed an outlaw.  Outlaws exist outside of the bounds of the law — thus, they exist outside of its restraints and protection.  The common ending for many an Icelandic outlaw was that they were pursued by a mob organised by the victims who were seeking the death of the criminal.  As the criminal was deemed an outlaw, then they were beyond the protection offered by the law under the crime of murder.

In terms of apologies, these form the most basic compensation offered to a victim in our modern society.  To say the words “I am sorry” carries little emotional content, no psychological investment and financial penalty.  The true power of the apology actually lays with the criminal.  The expectation in our twisted society of morals is that the victim is to accept such an apology and forgive the crime against them.  Here is where I take issue with apologies.  If you massively offend or inconvenience me in any way, then a simple apology is insufficient as an act of compensation.  In refusing your apology, I claim and retain the power over you an hold you in my debt.  I do not forgive, as the criminal offering an apology is forcing the hand of the victim — thus the criminal is claiming further power over the victim in forcing them to forgive.  If you damage my property, I expect you to repair or replace it — “sorry” is insufficient and I will hold you in debt until you manifest sufficient compensation.


“Sorry” is an acceptance of guilt.  It is not compensation and should not be accepted as such.  How often is “sorry” accompanied by the words “I was not thinking,” — such is an excuse and not a reason.  Excuses are pitiful.  If you do something that I deem a crime against my sovereignty, then I would admire you more for saying “I did it in full knowledge of the consequences and I enjoyed it!”  To claim an excuse or regret for your actions simply makes you appear weak.  Why would I grant any power of the apology over myself to someone who acts out of weakness?  Act in bold strength and honesty and I will respect you.  I do not require an apology of a wild animal and neither is its wildness an excuse for its behaviour.  An animal attacks because I have made it feel as if threatened and it deems that it is not able to flee and must attack.  The animal resorts to act of strength in the will to survive.  Pleading, begging forgiveness is the weak act of cowardice as they attempt one final emotional tactic to engender a position of emotional superiority above their victim.


Be strong.  Accept no apology and offer the compensatory level that you deem to be required.  Hold the axe above the criminal until they provide such a level of compensation.


Crime.  Punishment.  No regrets means no forgiveness.  Live under the rule of Eternal Recurrence.




3 thoughts on “Why I do not forgive

  1. i completely agree with you. I recently had to end a friendship that had lasted for over a decade because he had pretty much broken the law (and his oath) to me. I called upon him to make reparations and he didn’t even apologize. So I very well understand your point. If someone were actually to break the law and harm me and mine, grave indeed would be my rage until compensations had been made.

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